Part of the reason that I haven't blogged in a long time is my silent judgement of blogs, and of myself. Who am I to put my heart and innermost thoughts online without a care of who they will affect? I have tried to not hurt anyone with my words and to take everything back to myself but maybe that's an impossibility. Maybe.
I have obviously felt that sting from another. And I judge it. And it really sucks. So much that I have to apologize to any person, for any feeling that I've not brought back to myself. Integrity is a word that I've given much thought to in the past few months. The depth of the word of course includes honesty, but it goes much further. When I use it in the context of myself, when I ask for integrity in my life I am asking for all of my actions, feelings, and maybe someday thoughts to align with who I really am - the me that knows her purpose and can stand in it even if it is alone. I'm not really sure where I'm going with these seemingly unconnected thoughts.
I have a lot of judgement on myself and it's embarrassing.That might be true,
that might be a part of me - but is that really it? God, I hope not. Maybe I just need to be more curious.
